Choosing Joy

“The world is mud-luscious and puddle-wonderful.”

E.E. Cummings

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When I think about these past three years… I think about how far Owen and I have come.

Although… most days…  I feel like my life is rotating in this continuous circle of monotony…

I know that we have made leaps and bounds… we have started to heal… we have begun to find our new normal.

As a single mother… to a son that has lost his father… I find myself struggling to always make sure his childhood is perfect.

When Owen is grown up and looks back on his life… I want him to have great memories.

I want him to laugh…  to smile… and to maybe even feel lucky.

I know that I cannot fill the void that he will have forever… in loosing his father… but I want to try to make his life as amazing as I can to lessen the blow… (if that is at all possible).

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In trying to create the perfect childhood for my son… I have backed myself into many stressful corners.

When I lost Bryan… I became a single parent to not only Owen… but also, to our three year old Morkie… Penny Lane.

Bryan was Penny’s person… whenever she wanted to play… cuddle… or go for a walk… it was Bryan that she would run too. Ever since we lost Bryan, Penny has not been the same. While she is the same loving… protective.. mother hen that she has always been… she has developed some anxiety and depression. Raising Owen and still making time for Penny has been a bit challenging but I have always made it a priority. I want to make sure that she knows that even though she doesn’t have Bry… she has us.

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When Owen was almost two years old… I made the mistake of taking him to the humane society to look at the kitties and the puppies. The moment Owen locked eyes with Lindy (the beautiful black and brown calico cat in the corner)… I knew I was in trouble. His tiny little hands reached for her cage as he yelled, “kitty”… and I was sold.

Even though my life was already chaotic with a small child and a dog… I couldn’t say no to Owen’s big blue eyes… he cut right through my soul.

Needless to say, we left with Lindy that very day.

Although… I knew in my mind that I was in no way ready to add another pet to my life… my heart kept telling me to choose joy… to give Owey his very own kitty.

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Fast forward another year and here we sit again…

As if cleaning up a lot of poop and feeding two animals and a child isn’t enough… I have yet again led with my heart and chosen to bring a small piece of joy to Owey’s life.

This past week… we made the long awaited trip to PetSmart and purchased a Bearded Dragon lizard named Ringo.

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After much lizard deliberation… Owen decided that Ringo was the best fit for our house.

Being the reptile lover that he is… Owen is in heaven and can’t wait to watch Ringo grow up… and by grow up… I mean reach 2 feet in length… Yes that means he will be larger than my dog.

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Animals have now out-numbered people in my tiny household… reminding me that I must be crazy for agreeing to take in yet another pet.

But when times get tough and I spend the day:

cleaning up dog poop…

changing the cat box…

scrubbing out the lizard tank…

filling two feeding bowls with food and water…

dropping nasty crickets in Ringo’s cage…

I remind myself that in choosing joy… I have given Owen a wonderful childhood memory! I mean after all… what little boy doesn’t want a dog, cat and lizard for a best friend.

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